I struggle with decision making. It often comes down to a fear that I will hurt someone’s feelings or get in trouble. Thing is, it’s not kind to sacrifice my life for the comfort of others, especially if it makes me resentful and half-assed.

Commit to a path and do it for you.

For example, I’m in a band right now playing synthesizer. It’s good to be playing music but the music is really loud and I don’t feel like I’m really playing piano, just hitting a few keys. The synth itself has hundreds of sounds and settings which is fun but often I’m struggling to get the right sound and find the key. Practices are on Friday nights which means I’m missing social events.

I’m playing keyboard in a band. Is that enough? Adding texture to these very loud songs. Struggling to hear myself on an instrument I’m not familiar with. No it isn’t.

I’m a songwriter, writer, animator and director. I’m not a background synth player in a rock band. I don’t feel as if I’m learning much at these short and inconsistent practices. The fact that I’m more afraid of telling the band that I want to leave than actually missing a good time tells me that the decision is simple, I should leave the band.

Now the fomo comes up. I feel afraid of being a lesser person. That’s insane but it’s true.

There is nothing lesser about me, worst-case scenario I’m missing out on a good time but that doesn’t matter.

I’ll revisit this decision over the week but I think it’s time to stop and do what I want to do. Lead with love and excitement. Do what is important!

For me that may be joining piano lessons and really playing. Writing songs and playing shows and recording.

It means organizing my life and putting my priorities in order!