31. I admit there is a payoff

I have a desire to create art as quickly as possible, make it awesome and immediately get a ton of positive feedback. 

I’m realizing this is a problem.

Chasing that dopamine hit, I rush into creation with a desire to snag something good. Then, seeking external validation, I lose touch with my inner voice. I become fixated on the final product and what it means about me.

These addictive behaviours come from a place of fear that I will fail and shame that I suck.

The truth is, I want to express myself through my creative work and be nourished by that. I’ve been eating sugar cubes and now I want some real food. Something that takes study and planning. It comes from within and it takes time to express. It can be silly and fun, but I want to create work that is more honest and layered.

This may be music, puzzles or animations. Regardless, I want it to be me. So I’m embracing the creation process and slowing down. Maybe risking more vulnerability in my work. Maybe maybe maybe trying to stop this.

“Your work is a reflection of who you are. When you internalize this, you’ll stop looking for external validation.”

“Your need for acceptance can make you invisible in this world. Don’t let anything stand in the way of the light that shines through this form. Risk being seen in all of your glory.” - Jim Carrey

© Jeremy Nir
Using Format