19. this is hard

I just want to acknowledge that this is hard. doing art and trying to make a career. it’s hard. it’s scary.

trying to be creative while facing money uncertainty. trying to build a future while making space for art.

hell, just being creative is hard. be vulnerable and focused. make space for real feelings and provide escapism.

it’s hard. I do love the art side. I have a very deep feeling of fear and despair. it’s helpful to express emotions in art and writing. it’s helpful to meditate and be here.

I will someday find my place. for now I am happy and in love. Making a career in art while growing as an artist and a man is hard. Making room for other voices in my life while taking the stage.

I suspect I should be in a social position. I’m not really an animator. I’m a comic and writer. I’m an artist and thinker. I hope the art I make leads me to a career because I don’t want to buy into an office job.

I had some very painful experiences in offices. I felt trapped. I felt unseen and forced to put my messy emotions away. But no I am an emotional person. I hope I can find a place to thrive.

For now I’ll just keep giving myself space to create and emote. When the money runs low I’ll find work.

© Jeremy Nir
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